No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
