I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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