GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
