Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
if only i could text you this smell
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
how drunk are you?
Several
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
