Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
