I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Randomize
