we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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