just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
