Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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