TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
