I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
