Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
how drunk are you?
Several
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
