It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
