All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
