if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
