apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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