You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
