His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
