I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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