Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
