how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
