some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
