if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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