oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
