i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
