I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
