ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
