C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
