You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
