sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
