I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
