Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
