I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
