I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
