If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
