if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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