I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
