His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
