If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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