Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
