We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So much Jack, so little girl.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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