so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
