he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just tell him i said nine months
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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