his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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