I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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