Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
