I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
