we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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