The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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