I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I didn't notice because vodka
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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