I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
