This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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